


red

by halokeys



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lyric fic, M/M, Post-Break Up, like I didn't even mention his name but I felt bad leaving him out so, no beta we die like men, not proofread either, taylor swift brings out my angsty side and I projected that onto taegyu sorry not sorry, this is just really messy I'm sorry, yeonjun's barely even there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halokeys/pseuds/halokeys
Summary: He dreams of their scarlet love, precious and glittering like rubies, the firecrackers that sparkled and fizzled in his heart when they were together. He dreams of the fire Beomgyu started in his soul, of their promise to stay by each other’s side, a promise that burned loud and bright between them (but the brighter a flame burns, the faster it fades.)based on taylor swift's "red"
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	red

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: idk how to write angst but here you go I guess LOL enjoy

_Losing him was blue like I’ve never known_

Taehyun still remembers that day like it was yesterday, the day everything came crashing down. As if he could ever really forget it.

Honestly, it came as a surprise to neither of them. They’d been drifting apart for months now, both of them too busy chasing their own dreams to have as much time as they used to for each other. Beomgyu was training to become an idol, spending his days either locked up in a musty little studio or rehearsing in the practice room, and Taehyun was on the path to becoming a doctor, which was a whole other challenge in itself. They spent more time in their respective workplaces than in their shared apartment and barely even saw each other most days, rarely even having enough time for a quick meal together. Still, the knowledge of their impending break up didn’t make it hurt any less, nor did it make it easier to accept.

_The beginning of the end_ , Taehyun thinks wryly. A stupid argument, probably over something dumb like Beomgyu overworking himself again, grew too big too quickly, flames of anger fueled relentlessly by weeks of pent up frustration and loneliness masked by forced indifference. Taehyun had lashed out with the sole intent of hurting Beomgyu, his cruel words laced with venom. He remembers snarling he didn’t need Beomgyu if he was never going to be there, didn’t need him holding him back, didn’t want him anymore. The look of pain that flashed across Beomgyu’s face when he spat those last words at him haunts Taehyun’s every waking moment, and he wishes more than anything to take them back.

For months afterward, Taehyun barely left his room, spending most of his days curled up in bed, drifting in and out of bouts of fitful sleep. Being awake simply hurt too much because everything in the apartment still reminded him of Beomgyu, if his tear-stained pillowcase was any indication. The couple mugs that they had bought on their trip to Hawaii, Beomgyu’s side of the closet that he hadn’t cleared out yet, the set of toothbrushes next to the sink. Kai doesn’t let him into the kitchen anymore because of the one time he picked up Beomgyu’s favorite mug and instantly crumpled to the floor, body wracked with heart-wrenching sobs.

Beomgyu had been the sunshine in his life, the only brightness to chase away the shadows. With him gone, Taehyun only felt blue.

Blue, like the bouquet of hyacinths Beomgyu had given him for Valentine’s Day, now sitting wilted and sad in its porcelain vase. _Constancy_ , Beomgyu had explained bashfully as he handed him the flowers. _It means I’ll always be here._

Blue, like the couple bracelets they made together on their one month anniversary. Taehyun remembers accidentally spilling the beads all over the floor and giggling when Beomgyu let out a horrified shriek and sank to the floor dramatically, refusing to help clean up the mess. Beomgyu’s bracelet now sits on the dinner table, unmoved from where he threw it down before storming out of the apartment after their fight. Taehyun still wears his even though he knows he needs to let go, clinging onto any last trace of his sunshine, any sliver of hope that maybe, _maybe_ , Beomgyu would come back.

Blue, like the oversized sweater Beomgyu wore on their first date 2 years ago, now worn and soft with loose threads. It was Taehyun’s favorite piece of Beomgyu’s clothing and he liked to put it on when Beomgyu wasn’t around, practically drowning in the soft fabric. Taehyun drags himself over to the closet, hesitating before slowly pulling the sweater on and climbing back in bed. It’s been a while since Beomgyu last wore it but it still smelled like him, comforting, like vanilla bean and the fabric softener they share. Shared. Taehyun’s heart aches. He buries his nose in the cloth and takes a deep breath, wishing it wasn’t just the sweater wrapped around him, wishing for the one person more comforting than any scent could ever be.

Wishing for Beomgyu to come back.

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

It was about a month after it happened. Taehyun was scheduled to make up an exam he had previously called in sick for so he was making his way down to the lab when he saw him. Beomgyu was standing in front of the library door talking to some guy with pink hair. He looked frustrated, brows furrowed and hands waving wildly, and the bags under his eyes were so dark Taehyun could see them clearly from halfway across the courtyard. Beomgyu’s shoulders were slightly slumped and his shirt was wrinkled, a drastic change from his normally meticulous image. It was clear the separation was taking its toll on him as well.

Taehyun still thought he looks so beautiful, despite his disheveled appearance, and ached to be by his side again. The angry look on Beomgyu’s face bothered him and he wanted nothing more than to wipe it off with a kiss, his entire body yearning to be back in Beomgyu’s arms.

When Beomgyu stormed out of the apartment that day, he had taken all the colors of Taehyun’s life with him, leaving Taehyun stranded in a world of black and white. Joy and misery blended together in the sea of his memories, blissful moments forever tainted with a feeling of grief. After weeks and weeks of dead-end calls and unanswered texts, Taehyun gave up, finally succumbing to the thought that he had lost Beomgyu forever. The brightness that Beomgyu had brought into his life, the vibrance that his presence created, faded slowly against the backdrop of grey monotony. He stopped looking in the mirror because the shattered soul reflected in his eyes, once bright with mirth, reminded him of everything he lost.

Tearing his eyes away, Taehyun forced himself to put one foot in front of the other, dragging himself towards an exam that held no meaning to him. He resisted the urge to turn back, to run into Beomgyu’s arms that had once been always open for him, blinking away the tears welling up angrily in his eyes. He focused all his energy on not breaking down in the middle of the courtyard, not noticing the pair of tired eyes boring into the back of his head.

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you’ve never met_

It was Friday night, midterms had just ended and Taehyun was at a club with Soobin and Kai. He honestly hadn’t wanted to go, preferring to stay home and eat ice cream while watching crappy romance movies, but Kai, sick of seeing his friend in such a sorry state, had put his foot down and demanded that they all go out and spend time together. He refused to listen to Taehyun’s protests, turning his closet inside out as he and Soobin joined forces to put together a “snazzy” outfit for him. He didn’t know if anything in his wardrobe was “snazzy” (what did that even mean?) enough for the two to consider acceptable for the event, but they managed to throw together something decent and shove him into it.

Taehyun doesn’t know how they managed to talk him into actually going out wearing the outfit but somehow he finds himself standing at the front door of the club they used to frequent before he and Beomgyu got together. He grimaces at the thought of Beomgyu and has half a mind to back out and catch a cab back to his dorm, his mood for the evening already ruined. Before he can turn around and make a run for it, Soobin gently lays a hand on his shoulder, half in reassurance, half warning him not to try for an escape, and Taehyun stills, not quite in the mood to have his arm crushed (which he knows Soobin is FULLY capable of doing, despite his indignant claims that he’d “never hurt a fly”).

The inside of the club is dark and too hot and Taehyun immediately wants out. Kai drags him over to the bar while Soobin disappears into the bathroom to fix his makeup.  
“Kai, tell me again, exactly why am I here?” Taehyun yells over the blaring music. He can feel his heartbeat pulsing to the boom of the bass.

Kai rolls his eyes. “You are here because for the past FIVE MONTHS you have done NOTHING but mope around the house, eat ice cream, watch sad movies, and cry over some ball of Beomgyu’s hair that you found in the bath drain.” He counts off each point on his fingers. “You. Need. To. Get. Back. To. Life”

Kai punctuates each word by poking Taehyun in the chest, before turning away to summon the bartender. Taehyun doesn’t even have time to feel offended before the bartender is here taking their order and he has to figure out how to break it to Kai that he doesn’t plan on drinking without getting punched in the arm. Kai orders some sort of cocktail with a name Taehyun can’t even begin to pronounce and he’s about to ask for just a cup of water when he feels a sudden rush of defiance. Yes, he’s here against his will, and no, it probably isn’t the best idea to get drunk at a club while he’s still hung up on his ex, but Kai’s words really struck a nerve in him. Ever since Beomgyu walked out of their apartment that day, taking Taehyun’s heart with him, he’s become a barely-there shell of the person he once was. It’s about time he’s done something to get his life back to normal right? He won’t get super drunk, just slightly buzzed so he can spend the night free of Beomgyu. “I’ll have the same as him.”

Turns out, Kai’s drink is a sickeningly sweet combination of tequila and a bunch of syrups he can’t quite place the flavor of (they don’t even go well together), but, not wanting to waste a perfectly good drink (in Kai’s words, not his. He thinks the “good” part is highly questionable), he settles down at the counter, sipping resentfully at the bright pink mixture. He watches Kai disappear into the mob of writhing bodies in search of Soobin and decides to watch from a distance just in case one of them ends up needing help.

He’s nursing his drink, lost in his thoughts, when he feels a new presence glide up next to him and startles, almost spilling his cocktail. The new presence is a tall dude with fluffy looking blonde hair and ripped black jeans and he’s _really really really_ pretty. Taehyun wonders what someone this pretty wants with him until he notices the way tall dude is eyeing him. Upon closer inspection, Taehyun realizes that this guy is super hammered, his eyes holding that hazy, unfocused look and his cheeks flushed bright red.

“Hey, y’know you’re really cute” Tall Guy slurs, leaning across the counter. His breath and clothes reek of alcohol.“You got a boyfriend?”

Taehyun winces and shakes his head almost imperceptibly. Tall Guy grins.

“Cool, me neither” He extends a hand and wiggles his brows. “Wanna dance?”

He’s about to politely decline and go back to grieving the death of his relationship when he remembers Kai’s words and thinks _maybe it’ll help me get my mind off everything_. Just one dance, maybe it’ll help me forget. He takes Tall Guy’s hand (it’s really warm and kind of sweaty, but Taehyun tries to ignore it) and follows him onto the dance floor. A new song plays, eliciting cheers of delight from the crowd, and the sweaty bodies around them start moving to the beat again. Taehyun feels a pair of hands land on his waist and realizes that Tall Guy has started dancing too. This song is slower, more soulful, and he finds himself matching Tall Guy’s rhythm, trying to lose himself in the flashing neon lights and the overwhelming smell of alcohol. It’s a little awkward as both of them are buzzed to some extent, but they manage to stumble around each other without any major slip-ups. Taehyun wants so badly to enjoy this like he used to, wasting his youth in dark clubs with strangers, but everything just feels so _wrong_. The music is too loud, the people are too drunk, and Tall Guy’s hands are just a little too tight. It’s all wrong.

Taehyun remembers all the nights he and Beomgyu would stay up late, slow dancing in the living room. Swaying slowly to the playlist they carefully crafted together, Beomgyu’s hands rested gently on his hips and a light blush dusting his cheeks, they were content. He remembers the way Beomgyu’s eyes sparkled and the way he practically glowed in the moonlight, his beauty so ethereal it took Taehyun’s breath away. With his face nestled in the crook of Beomgyu’s neck and their hearts close, he was so happy. They were so happy.

Were.

Taehyun snaps back to reality when he realizes he’s alone, his hands stretched out for no one. Tall Guy must have realized he had something on his mind and left. His heart aches, feeling empty and cold, and he finally processes the lone tear snaking its way down his cheek. Wiping hastily at his eyes, he shoves his way through the crowd and grabs his phone to send a brief text to Kai before bolting out the door.

The crisp air helps to clear up his alcohol-muddled mind a bit, but his heart still lies in pieces at his feet. Tall Guy was pretty much perfect, from what Taehyun gathered in his 10 minutes of knowing him. He was polite, or as polite as one could get when that hammered, he was a good dancer (at least Taehyun thinks so?), and he was so pretty. But he wasn’t Beomgyu, no one else would ever be him and that was the problem.

He hates Beomgyu. He hates how easily he stole his heart, his heart that he’d always guarded so carefully behind iron bars. He hates how Beomgyu could read him like an open book, how he always knew exactly how to make Taehyun feel better. He hates how beautiful Beomgyu looked in the morning, how affectionate his touches were, how addicting it was to love him. He hates how Beomgyu held his whole heart, his whole life in his hands, and stepped all over it, leaving Taehyun broken and lost. A jolt of pain shoots through his chest and he drops to his knees on the wet pavement, hiccuping through his sobs.

He doesn’t hate Beomgyu. He could never hate Beomgyu.

He hates himself for loving Beomgyu so much he blindly gave his heart away, trusting to be caught when he fell. And he was. They were so happy.

Until they weren’t.

Taehyun barely registers the arms wrapping gently around him, helping him stand up. He relaxes in Soobin’s warm embrace and cries into his shoulder while Kai frantically tries to flag down a cab. Soobin doesn’t say anything about the growing wet patch on his shirt, simply running his hand through Taehyun’s disheveled hair and whispering soothingly into his ear. The cab ride is silent save for Taehyun’s fading hiccups, and he’s grateful that they found him when they did. Soobin has an early class tomorrow so he reluctantly lets Kai usher him out after helping Taehyun up to his apartment. Too worn out to protest, he lets Kai help him shower and get to bed, tucking him in with a soft kiss on the forehead. He almost doesn’t hear Kai’s soft apology and promise that things will be okay, but he tries for a smile to reassure his distressed friend. Kai leaves with a sad look in his eyes and Taehyun drifts off into a restless sleep. He dreams of Beomgyu (it’s always Beomgyu.)

_But loving him was red_

Taehyun remembers the mixture of nervousness and elation that had coursed through his bloodstream that one afternoon. He was sitting with Beomgyu at the top of the Ferris wheel, gazing over the darkened carnival at the vivid reds and oranges of the setting sun. Both of them are shivering slightly because it’s a cold night and they both forgot to bring jackets, but when Beomgyu shyly slips his hand into Taehyun’s, he feels warmer than he has in months. The night ends with cotton candy stained hands and a hug that feels like a promise.

_“Hyun, come taste this!” Beomgyu’s voice rings out through the apartment._

__

__

_Curious, and slightly apprehensive, Taehyun peeks into the kitchen to see Beomgyu wearing a “Kiss the Chef” apron (a gift from Kai on Taehyun’s birthday) and stirring a bowl of...something. It’s bright red and all over Beomgyu’s clothes, which Taehyun doesn’t doubt will be a pain to get out._

_“How about you tell me what it is first,” Taehyun starts, “and then I’ll see if it looks close enough to the real thing to be safe to—mmf!”_

_Okay, that’s DEFINITELY not like anything he’s ever tasted before, and he’s not that sure if he likes it. He raises an eyebrow at a grinning Beomgyu and chokes when he simply says “Seaweed soup! But I dyed it because the original color is so boring.” They ended up ordering takeout for dinner._

Taehyun dreams of sunrises on the rooftop, the flush on Beomgyu’s cheeks, and strawberry picking during the summertime that resulted in month-long strawberry stains on their clothes. He dreams of midnight snack runs to their favorite tteokbokki shop and origami lessons that Soobin dragged them into (Beomgyu had folded him a paper plane and doodled a little red heart on the wings, where he had written GYU + TYUN 4EVER). He dreams of their scarlet love, precious and glittering like rubies, the firecrackers that sparkled and fizzled in his heart when they were together. He dreams of the fire Beomgyu started in his soul, of their promise to stay by each other’s side, a promise that burned loud and bright between them (but the brighter a flame burns, the faster it fades.)

He dreams of their red string of fate, cut in two. _Maybe one day, one day I’ll find my way back to you._

**Author's Note:**

> the last line isn't a lyric i just felt like it fit LOL
> 
> i'd love to hear some feedback if you've got it! :D come talk to me on [twt](https://twitter.com/halokeys) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/halokeys)


End file.
